I wish I could punch you in the face.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
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