don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
