I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
