If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Drunk is not a location!
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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