Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize