There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Randomize
