I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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