I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
How external is "for external use only"?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Randomize
