Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
