Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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