You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
