it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Terrible idea I love it
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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