Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
