I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
