I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
