So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
