I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
