Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
