I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
