On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
