Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
