FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
