i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
