i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
