as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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