apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
