He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
