I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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