Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
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