I seem to have left my pride at pride
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
