If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
