you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
