this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
