Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
