using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Randomize
