I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
my shit smells like andre
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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