We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
