we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
