Have you finally orgasmed yet?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
