Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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