i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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