I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
