so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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