i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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