So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Randomize
