I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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