I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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