4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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