i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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