Your dad touched me again.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i dont even know how to be here
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
