Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
