Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
