I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I didn't notice because vodka
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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