Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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