My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Another day, another engagement, another cat
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
