just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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