ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
