Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize