I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
