My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Two words: nipple clamps
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