you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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