Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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