this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
