this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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