my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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