Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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